Just because

I haven't been very good about writing for a while, but I definitely want to keep up because I know there will be so much I want to remember but won't unless put it down somewhere, so here goes...

First off, I'd like to say we're all very relieved that Ging is back from her stints at the hospital. Seems like all will be well after a scare of a possible staph infection that she received a few days ago from a spinal tap. Looks like the mixup was in the lab (scary enough), but she'll be okay. You can hear a collective "Phew!" from Lakeland.

Amelie has had a few stellar weeks in school after a little rough patch with some run ins with the teachers. I won't get into details, but we had 2 notes we had to sign. Her teacher told me that 98% if the time she is great - loving, helpful, talkative and happy - but would just suddenly get mad about something. My fingers are crossed, as this was a couple of months ago now, but after some talks and her being out of this phase, it's been smooth sailing. She's been excited about school and will tell me about the other kids in her class and calls them her friends. She really seems to enjoy going now.

Darlin'

As usual, Amelie loves to role play. One of her latest things is that she likes to be the mother and have me be her daughter. Except, when she wants to play this, she'll ask me, "Mama, can I be the Mama and you be the darlin?" So, I'll say "sure!" and we'll play. She will then always address me as 'Darlin' when we talk. There's not much out there that's cuter than being called 'Darlin' by a 3 year old - especially when she gives a gentle pat on the back when she addresses you.

At the same token, she is very supportive and loving. She likes to make you feel better and reassure you when need be. The other night at dinner, I had made a comment that I didn't do something quite right when I made it and Amelie walked over, rubbed me on the back and said "it's okay sweetheart, you can do it next time."

The other night she had me in tears lauging so hard. A lot of times she'll take inanimate objects from around the house and personify them. No matter what they are-forks, stuffed animals, game pieces, etc. - she uses the same high pitched voice to make them talk back and forth with each other. The other night, she had 3 of the horses from our chess set and she asked if they could take turns picking out stories since we always read 3 stories before going to bed. So, the first horse picked a story - no problem. Then, the other 2 started squabbling. They were going back and forth in their high pitched voices "It's my turn!" "No, it's my turn!" So, I had to intercede and tell the horses to behave nicely and pointed to one and said, "Okay, you pick the next one." When he picked the next story, apparently the other horse was displeased because he said "Oh man!" I was laughing so hard, it was very hard to read after that.

Dark Lords Behaving Badly

Can't remember if I wrote this already, but it's too good to miss. Around Christmas time, Poppy had bought Amelie a Darth Vader figurine since she had been going through her Star Wars phase (thanks to Papa). One day, Amelie and Darth were playing and chatting quite nicely together when, suddenly, Amelie put Darth Vader down and spoke quite crossly "Darth Vader, you go to timeout for 2 minutes for not making good choices!" Alarmed, I asked her what Darth Vader had done. She was still quite cross when she answered "He blew up planets and didn't fix them when I asked him too!"

That freaks me out

Amelie will see something that doesn't look quite right to her, or hears a loud noise, and will say in an exasperated tone - "that freaked me out".

The other day, she was playing cards with Emerson and Lenny when Lenny sneezed loudly. Amelie stopped and said "Whoa! That freaked me out!"

Giggly girl

Amelie still one of the most good-natured children I think there could possibly be (there's always the toddler tempers, etc., but you know what I mean - we're talking a majority of the time). She likes to laugh and play silly tricks on you, then say "I'm joking you" or "I'm a joker". Many times when she falls down, she'll laugh and yell "boom!" or yell "I'm okay!" but won't get embarrassed. I only hope she keeps this great sense of humor as she gets older.

Jigsaw puzzle

Amelie is turning out to be quite the puzzle wiz. Nana had gotten her a 100 piece Tinker Bell jigsaw puzzle for Christmas. We sat down to do this together recently and she stays very focused on it until we get the whole thing done. It's the one task that she will stay focused on for long periods of time. Anything 24 pieces or under, she can do unassisted. She even likes the puzzles we can do on the computer and is good at dragging and dropping the pieces to fit together and form the picture.

Good with letters

Amelie is getting very good with her letters - she recognizes letters in upper case and is starting to recognize more definitely the lower case letters. The other day we stopped at a Stop sign when Amelie asked, "why does S-T-O-P spell Stop?" I thought that was pretty impressive and the first steps to reading. She recognizes more and more letters that start words like C is for Cat; D is for Dog, etc.

Little brother/sister

We're in the process of adopting from China again, but the process is VERY slow right now. Amelie is starting to talk more and more about wanting to pick up her brother or sister and all of the things she will show him/her. She tells me she will share her toys with her little sister (she mainly calls refers to her future sibling as her sister) and she will teach her things. Come on China we're all waiting!!

Favorite show

Amelie's favorite show right now is Charlie and Lola which is a very cute show about a brother and sister in England. She always wants me or Allen to be Charlie and she is Lola. Amelie is very "Lola like" too. Lola is a perfect depiction of how a little girl views the world. When Amelie was in her Star Wars phase, she wanted to see down with her Curious George tea set for some tea. So we did that. Just as we were about to have some tea, she said, "Wait! I have to get my Darth Vader cape!" and ran off to put on her hooded panda towel before we started.

Trike-a-thon

Last month, Amelie's school had a trike-a-thon to raise money for St. Jude's Children's hospital. The kids were supposed to do "laps" on their tricycles. Really, it was just sheer chaos and I realized the hazards of wearing open toed shoes (flip flops) to an event with toddlers on 3-wheels - ouch!

A Mama by any other name...

Since we've had Amelie, I wanted to make sure that we didn't attribute everything about Amelie's behavior to the fact that she was adopted. I do, however, want to find the right balance between raising her as the happy, well-adjusted child we know she is and understanding what fears she may have as a result of her experiences before she came home to us. Recently, I have read stories about adopted children feeling more anxiety when faced with stories of transient events. For example, I recently read a story about a mother who became concerned with her young daughter's anxiety and mood swings after seeing a story on the news about children being taken away from their mother and father during a police raid. She tried to focus on it being a normal reaction a child would have about seeing children taken from their parents and consoled her about the situation and how it was much different than their own. Her daughter continued to display anxious behavior in the weeks that followed when her mother finally took a shot at asking if her concern was related to her being adopted. The mother knew she was on point when the daughter burst into tears.

Now, on to Amelie. Many times I have tried to explain to Amelie all the relations she has to her family. For example, Ging and Poppy and Nana and Papa are her grandparents. Ging and Poppy are Baba's Mama and Baba and Nana and Papa are my Mama and Baba. Lenny and Micah are my brothers, etc. I have also said that I had a different last name before. She took all this in stride. A few nights ago, I explained it in slightly different syntax than I have used before. I told Amelie that Micah and Lenny were my brothers and that their last name is Gaspary. I then told her that my name used to be Maile Gaspary before I married Baba. When I said this, she immediately burst into tears and yelled "No! Mama!" She became inconsolable. I tried to comfort her and ask her if she was worried that I wasn't the same person any more and she sobbed "yes". I told her that I was the same person she has always known-I am always her Mama and I am still Lenny and Micah's sister and Nana and Papa's daughter and that I love her always. It took a long time to calm her down.

As a mother, I urgently want to wash away her deep-rooted fears that I can't even possibly imagine. The only thing I know how to do is to not take any of her fear or panic moments for granted and try to comfort her during moments of panic no matter how seemingly insignificant - after all, how could I possibly assume its nothing when I can't remember the fears of a 3 yr. old in a big world, much less one that has been through what she has?